It is the responsibility of parents to nurture and guide a child from birth. Parents have a great deal of responsibility toward ensuring their child/children are cared for both physically and mentally. Giving good advice and showing by example is an important role for parents.
Children progressing into teenagers are probably the greatest challenge a parent has to achieve. For them to adapt to the changes in their lives and the obstacles they face can be rather heart wrenching.
The best parents can do is advise and guide. Smothering a teenager and keeping them wrapped up in cotton wool will not prepare them for the world waiting for them. Some parents panic and want to control everything their teenager does.
Controlling your mature child can seem beneficial initially and by all appearances seem to be working but very often like a volcano below the surface, it is bubbling. If you want your young adult children to do what you think you want them to do then you need to be a bit savvy.
Allow your teenager freedom. Allow them to understand the world they are stepping into. It is important for them to learn sometimes by trial and error. Afterall the world can sometimes be daunting and cruel.
Now the subject here is about the line between a controlling parent and a supportive parent. A controlling parent suffocates to the point of rebellion. Now you don’t want rebellion, you want some sort of balance/normality if that is even remotely possible in burning teenage/young adult years.
Parents can have it both ways. Keep your distance and yet know what is going on. Parents do learn some very sneaky things. Kids don’t need to ever know your technique.
When I said allow your teenager freedom, this is what I mean. When they ask to go out, instead of scrutiny be a little cool about it. Ask the usual, where, what time and when they are expected home. Let it flow. Be aware of how they dress, who they hang out with and how they conduct themselves. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
Remember teenagers go through learning and experimental stages so even if they do things you don’t like, unless it is big like drugs and hurting someone then let it go. Let them learn. Ignore the words you overhear because if you don’t then they will go somewhere where they can.
Let them bring friends home, let the friends stay over. Remember a party in your house is better than one where you don’t know what is happening. When they have friends over, don’t stand over them or feel you need to be chatting to them. Go to bed.
This is such a difficult thing to do but this basic advice will give you a high chance of your kid getting through all the stuff they need to get through and still be at home so you know what is going on.
Ignoring what you hear is difficult but unless there is danger then let it go. Even alcohol can be a phase. Let them try and let them learn. Many young adults today don’t drink as much as people think and ones that do are generally from families who are so strict it is more like a trophy until it becomes an addiction.
You can only do your job as a parent to a certain point and then you must let them learn but remember a parent is always a parent. Always have an understanding ear not an angry one. Always be compassionate not cruel. Don’t make rules which prove impossible to keep.
Then you might find they think home is too good and never want to leave. And that is better than not knowing what they are up to or if they are safe because children from controlling parents often end up going too wild.